The Novelist
by disquisitivemind
Summary: Changing the Summary: Arthur always seemed so solemn and mysterious at work so who would've guessed that he's actually writing romance novels at 96 words per minute? Oh Yeah-and Eames is totally in smitten.


Rating: R  
Pairing: Eames/Arthur  
Genre: Modern Au  
Written For: Harlequin Challenge 2011  
Summary: Arthur was corrupted when he was in college by watching Eames act in a movie, and now all he can write about is unrestrained sex. Ariadne works with him in the IT department and thinks he works way to hard for the job he has(not knowing he's a romance novelist) and Eames simply hits him with a shopping cart and falls in love.-Some of the plot is taken from the novel/prompt _Incognito _in the prompt list.  
Warnings: biting, some blood, crack!fic

Author's note: This...is totally a hook up fic full of crack. just saying.

It started in college. He had had an assignment to write down his very own 'great American novel'. He even had the plot down and concrete. It was to chronicle the life and journey of 5 college students who wanted to become the best; telling their tales each individually as they met up in the back room of the public library every decade. It was to be about triumph and tribulations, it was to identify the facets of the human character and leave the winner up to the interpretation of the reader. He even had a title; 'Haephestian's Tomb'.

And then he watched an independent-movie called 'Dancing with Numbers' which starred the up and coming English actor 'Eames'.

The novel turned into a mass orgy in which 5 college students met up every 10 days in the public library's back room. It was a best seller, reaching millions of both male and females readers and had been translated into 13 different languages.

A monster was born.

'_Her thighs quivered as he nestled himself between them, finally giving into his lust, and she could hardly believe this was happening, that all of their struggles were finally coming-'_ Arthur quickly deleted the phrase, nowhere near happy enough with the syntax or the pacing, or the vocabulary, or the position.

'Flip.' He thought to himself, running a hand through meticulously placed hair, trying vainly to not become despondent at the thought of ever progressing into the writing of his 'great American novel'.

Life for one Arthur Pennyworth was boring. He woke up each morning, drank his coffee, ate his fruit salad, walked to work in comfortable shoes, changed his shoes upon arrival, logged onto his computer in the IT department(read: basement) of Cobb Industries and answered his phone with 'Hello, IT Department, did you try turning it on and off?'.

The only consolations in his life were the novels that he had meticulously written and thrived on for the past decade. He consoled himself in the fact that they had to be the best, and most grammatically correct, in their genre. Not that it mattered much, for as much as they were a pleasure to write, they had no meaning, and he certainly wasn't finding any inspiration while he was cooped up in the basement with Ariadne, the Relationship Manager, and Yusef.

Arthur sighed and closed his word document with a left-click of the mouse and pushed back his chair, writing down a quick note to Mr. Cobb and Ariadne before he left to get a drink of water. 'I need to be quick.' He thought as he opened the door with a glance to the right and left, to make sure that the hallway was clear, before turning and walking to the small water fountain that was only just around the hallway.

He quickly took his drink and jogged back to his desk, destroying the small note upon arrival. He had barely moments to get situated before the door to the department swung open to reveal Ariadne.

"Hello Arthur!" she said with a grin. He didn't acknowledge her presence with a greeting as well, but simply nodded in her general direction, his fingers continued to click and clack at their amazingly fast speed of 92 words per minute. "I know that you're terribly busy, but did you notice if Yusef cam in today? I didn't see his card punched upstairs." Ariadne shifted her weight, not quite comfortable yet in her new shoes. Arthur shook his head, indicating 'no', only a second later. "Oh. All right then, carry on Arthur." She closed the door once again and turned to Yusef, who stood in the hallway.

"He didn't even notice, did he?" Yusef asked, a wide, but uncaring, grin etched onto his features. Ariadne shook her head sadly.

"No. He didn't. He just needs to get away from that computer. Arthur needs-"

"A man?" Yusef suggested.

"No…well…maybe…or just a hobby really, it's almost sad how much time he spends on that thing. I don't know anyone who works even a quarter as hard as he does. At least I have my novels to get me through the day."

"You actually read? Or is it that romance novel stuff based after the Romans?" Ariande rolled her eyes in response.

"No, I don't read those, and they're not actually based off of the Romans, the titles simply have ancient names in them."

"Right, you don't read them, and I-" Yusef was abruptly cut off as Arthur opened the door, peeking his head through the crack. "Oh, Hello Arthur!" Arthur narrowed his eyes and stared at them for a moment before he slowly creaked the door closed, never losing eye contact with either of them. "He's so creepy." Ariadne slapped his arm.

"Stop it! Arthur is perfectly normal. If anyone is creepy it's you."

"Right, I'm not the one that reads orgy-novels." Ariadne's face flushed, and she was about to retort when Yusef continued. "Look, we simply have to find him a man," and at her glare he fixed his statement, "or a hobby. I can't stand to have that constant clacking in the work space all of the time. I can't even-"

"Don't! finish that sentence." Ariadne warned. Yusef held up his hands complacently.

"Fine, fine. Seriously though, we have to think of something."

Xxxxx

Two weeks later and another novel was released to the publisher and already he was getting responses from critics. 'Absolutely Lovely!', 'Astonishingly Good!', 'A wonderful addition to any _Ardal Preaoin _collection', and his personal favorite, 'It's like the Bisexual Rebecca'. He couldn't say he was proud, but a month after that Ariadne couldn't put Demise of Statiera down, and it made him smile a little inside.

Xxxxx

Arthur couldn't say that walking through a grocery store gave him great pleasure, but when he did go he always tried to at least enjoy it. There was more human interaction that he got to see in that one grocery trip than he got to observe in a week of his IT basement. He did not, however, enjoy it when he was the one who had to participate in the social interaction.

"FUCK!" he heard distantly before he crashed to the ground. Arthur grabbed his side quickly with a hiss, his knees drawing instinctively up to his chest as he curled up into himself on the dirty, disgusting, walked-upon-every-day-by-who-knows-who's-shoes, floor. "I am sooo sorry." He heard, but Arthur had to take a moment to translate the slightly unfamiliar vowels. Britain, he was soon able to identify. Arthur turned to glare up at the man who had dared to ram a shopping cart into his side, but his sharp, biting, eyes immediately softened as they ran across the soft blue eyes of the man he had so adored for years now.

"Eames." Arthur breathed out softly, not quite wanting the other to hear, but Eame's eyes widened in shock anyway.

"You know-I mean-you recognize me? I didn't know I was well known in America."

"Oh!" Arthur exclaimed, hurrying to console the other, "You're not! I mean-um-never mind." Eames chuckled lightly before offering his hand to help Arthur up from the ground, pulling him up and pressing their bodies together so that no space could be seen between them. Other shoppers stopped to stare.

"You're cute. Wan'to head back to my place? To make sure you aren't bruised of course." He said with a leer. Arthur gasped and punched him in the eye.

Social interactions simply weren't his thing.

Xxxxx

"YUSEF!" Ariadne barked, forcing her hands on either side of his desk. It was lunch break and therefore Arthur wasn't in the office in the moment. Yusef calmly placed his sandwich back into its container.

"Yes Ariadne?"

"Arthur still doesn't have a hobby."

"Or a man." He interrupted helpfully, but she kept on talking, not even noticing his interruption.

"Drawing is out, and so is writing…that'd be counter-productive to the clicking-slash-work problem." Ariadne said, beginning to pace the floor.

"He absolutely hated the idea of horseback riding."

"He also didn't like it when we suggested stamp collecting"

"or whore houses"

"He didn't take to kindly to baking I think-well he never said anything about that one, but it was pretty much implied-"

"or recreational drugs."

"What if he just needs a girlfriend!" Ariadne suddenly yelled her eyes wide with the excitement of insight. Yusef simply sighed and turned back to his sandwich. Arthur was to arrive back from lunch-or the grocery store rather- in nearly 10 minutes and if he wanted a peaceful lunch he needed one now.

Xxxxx

'I wonder what would have happened if I had gone back to his house?' Arthur thought idly, keying in his next novel onto his computer. Yusef was only a desk away, but he knew from experience that Yusef would never dare interrupt him when he was typing so fast. If he slowed down though…

'Would we have had sex?' He questioned. 'Would he be good at sex? I can't have a partner who isn't good at sex.' He thought, not noticing that he was typing his thoughts out onto the computer.

'I wonder why I punched him…well…I guess it was the principle of the matter. I don't simply fall into bed with anyone who will give me the time…I have standards…even if that anyone is…blue eyed…rugged…charismatic…but who's to say he is all of those things. His movie roles? I think not!' he thought with determination, his fingers pressing harder into the keys with each thought.

"Damn. Arthur. Stop." Yusef called out to Arthur from the safety of his desk. "You're going to mutilate it!" Arthur paused to look down at what he was mutilating and noticed that the 'I' key was shoved into the key board, and the shift button was missing entirely.

"Hn." He glanced up at Yusef. "Thank you."

"Um…no prob. Anytime man." Arthur nodded in response, taking a last cursory look at his keyboard before leaving for the closest office supply store.

Xxxxx

"HEY GORGEOUS!" Arthur heard shouted, though he did not know whom the recipient of the shouting was. Assuming it wasn't him, he grabbed a small basket and walked briskly over to the aisle in which the keyboards were held.

Arthur suddenly felt a hand grip his shoulder and his first, instinctual reaction was to swing his arm around and catch the would-be-potential-rapist, but the plastic basket was still in his hand and a loud 'thwack' was all he heard before he felt the impact reverberate through his arm.

"BLOODY HELL! I'm beginning to think you aren't worth the trouble. Fuck." Eames said, cradling his head in his hands.

"Oh dear." Arthur said worriedly, leaning forward a bit and cautiously holding his hand towards the actor's face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…can I…" he left the sentence hang, his eyes searching Eames' own, looking for permission. Eames slowly let down his hand, allowing Arthur to see his split lip and bruised left side of his face.

"Is there something the matter?" a concerned shop assistant asked, wandering up to the duo. They both dazedly answered,

"No." The assistant was about to persist, but seeing that they seemed to be in their own little world he walked back to his station, but kept an eye on them for the eventuality of the asking for bandages.

Arthur, meanwhile, had slowly moved his hand forward, caressing the skin around the bruises, before dropping his fingertips to the blood that marred the actor's chin. His thumb caught slightly as the actor hissed and Arthur drew his hand away sharply. He looked around for a moment for something to wipe his thumb on before shrugging slightly and bringing it up to his mouth. There was no way he was ruining his new suit with blood.

His thumb had barely breached his lips before Eames inhaled sharply, causing Arthur's eyes to flash up at the actor. His eyes were narrowed, but the bitter brown looked so appealing to Eames as they were set against dark lashes. "Fuck it." Eames whispered before yanking Arthur's thumb from the still suckling mouth and replacing it with his tongue.

Arthur's arms flailed for a moment, almost trying to push the other man off of him, but as Eames grabbed the back of his leg and his ass, dragging him closer and pressing their bodies together, he moaned, pleased at the heat that seemed to instantly cover his body. Eame's left hand quickly went to support Arthur's back as he continued to press forward and plunder Arthur's mouth, as Arthur's own hands went to clutch at Eames' shoulder and his hair, blunt nails digging into his scalp and his shoulder blade, causing him to pause in his attack for only a moment.

"Um! Excuse me! You can't…" The assistant shouted at them, running towards them as soon as he could after getting over his shock.

Arthur drew away from the onslaught of sensation to look at the clerk, his eyes narrowed and flashing fiercely, his mouth enflamed from the pressure of Eames mouth, and his lower lip and chin stained with blood.

"Oh-um…uh…I'll just…" the assistant mumbled, backing away slowly. Arthur turned back to Eames, addressing him softly as he caressed the side of his face.

"I'm going to go back to work, and when I'm done you're going to pick me up…but only if your version of sex is as good as your mouth is. If it's not…I never want to see you again." Eames lowered his head and touched Arthur's forehead with his own.

"Fuck that's hot, darling."

"don't call me darling." Arthur said with a glare as Eames tried to nuzzle his nose.

"Well, what else am I to call you? I haven't a clue as to what your name is…" Eames said invitingly, moving his mouth to Arthur's neck and mouthing the skin just below his ear.

"Flip." Arthur gasped out as Eames' tongue met his skin, his back arching towards Eames body. The Actor drew away in surprise.

"There is no bloody way your name is flip-"

"It's not." Arthur said, forcefully grabbing Eames' head and drawing it back to his neck, sighing in satisfaction as the mouth returned. He ignored the impudent chuckle that was murmured into his throat. "My name is Ar…Ardal Preaoin." He felt Eames tense and then relax into his embrace once more.

"As in the romance novelist? I always thought that they were a girl. No wonder you'll only sleep with me if I've got-"

"Silence." Arthur said, pushing Eames away with his elbows and grabbing Eames' arm to wipe his mouth.

"I work at Cobb Industries-in the IT, so I'll come out the back door around 6:30. If you're not there when I'm leaving I'll assume you are atrocious at sex and if we run across each other in the store _again_ you are not to approach me. Ever. Do you understand Mr. Eames?"

All he could do was nod.

"Good. Now you're going to pay for my new keyboard and I'll be on my way." It never occurred to Eames to ask why Ardal Preaoin was working in the IT department, or even to ask why _he_ was paying for a keyboard as well as his own miscellaneous items (pens and scissors).

Xxxxx

"Arthur! I'm so glad you're back!" Ariadne called out to him as he opened the door, her hand grasping the arm of a young blonde. "This is Evelyin! From the 7th floor!"

"Oh." Arthur said, not making eye contact with either of the females, and instead plugging in his new keyboard and opening the small mint package that Eames had gotten him to erase the tang of blood from his mouth.

"Arthur, do be nice and say 'hello'!" Ariadne beckoned. He turned to them both and took a few steps forward and around his desk.

He grasped Evelyin's hand gently and pumped it up and down once before returning to his desk. "It's all right Evelyin, Arthur is simply shy, I'm sure he would love to get to know you…"

"Actually, I don't know if…" Evelyin interrupted.

"Nonsense. You'll get along great. Now, Yusef and I will be in the other room if you need anything." She darted into the sub room and watched eagerly through the small window that was on the door. Her excitement was for nothing though as Arthur simply continued typing and Evelyin soon became bored and left. "I guess blonde's aren't his thing." She commented to Yusef as she walked over to her own desk and chair. Yusef, who was fiddling around with newton's cradle, simply shrugged.

Xxxxx

6:30 came far too slowly for Eames. He had raced home after his encounter with Ardal and had scoured the internet for Cobb Industries and its alleged back door. After completing his first mission he quickly downloaded an audio version of one of the many 'Ardal Preaoin' novels and simply listened to the filthy descriptions of romanticized sex and satiric political elements within the plot.

He had an erection for hours before he could even begin to think about sweeping Ardal into his arms once again and fucking him in the back seat of his rental car in the Cobb Industries parking lot. 6:30 simply couldn't come fast enough.

So he decided to take matters into his own hands and arrive by 6. If he happened to jerk off once or twice in his car who was to notice?

Xxxxx

Eames observed Ardal as he practically slinked out of the back door, his posture so cool and confident and sexy that Eames almost had a hard time catching his breath.

"Ardal!" He called out, catching the other's attention. Eames waited with baited breath for what he hoped would be a smile, but all he received in return was a raised eyebrow.

"I see you're here."

"Um-yes. You see I think that you look absolutely…"

"Silence." Arthur cut him off, dragging Eames forward by his purple-flowered collar and bringing him forward for a bruising kiss, neither of them releasing the other until their tongues had reacquainted. "Where's your car?" Arthur whispered into Eames' mouth. Eames groaned as he pulled away to reply.

"-Behind me to your left, it's the orange Cadillac." Arthur sent a glance over Eames' right shoulder and cursed as the bright car met his eyes. "Oh, come on, it's not that bad." Eames told Arthur, meeting his eyes with a roguish grin.

"Fine. Get in your car and drive to wherever you're staying. I'll follow in mine." Arthur gestured to his own car directly behind him. Eames looked to argue for a moment, but simply closed his mouth nodded.

"As you wish Darling." Arthur glared spitefully at him as he dug his keys out of his pocket.

Xxxxx

Eames' summer home was absolutely trashed by the time they were mid-way through with it. The living area was demolished and the couch cushions were strewn about the room, the dinner table had a dent in it and the kitchen cabinets were strangely empty of their previous inhabitants.

"FLIPPING FUCK! EAMES!" rang clear throughout the summer home, exclaimed at least once per room, and now, finally, in the bed room as well. "HARDER." Arthur demanded of Eames as the actor thrust into him again, arms braced on the wall as Eames continued to try his hardest to sustain Arthur's sexual urges. Eames twisted his hips, hoping to bring Arthur satisfaction, trying to reach deeper, and it seemed he succeeded as Arthur writhed beneath him, Arthur's head twisting back and forth before his mouth found solace on Eames' forearm, biting into the taut flesh.

"Fuck." Eames muttered as he drove in harder, cradling Arthur's head with his hand as Arthur's teeth sunk in deeper, his eyes flashing as they made contact with one another. "I can't…" Arthur released his arm, gasping as Eames thrust into him again. Arthur's legs clutched Eames' back tightly, refusing to let him go if he would have dared to try.

"Flip." He muttered darkly before he came, his muscles straining and taut with effort, forcing Eames to come as well.

"Fuck." They groaned together as they collapsed on the recently-made-sheet-less bed. They breathed each other in, reaching forwards once more for another kiss, tongues so skillfully imitating what they had been doing for the past few hours previous. They laid with each other for hours together afterwards, discussing plans to meet up again, to kiss again, discussing their lives up to that point, their hopes and their dreams.

"Eames." Arthur whispered, only moments before the sun would rise, but still, only moments after they had agreed to continue seeing each other.

"Yes Ardal?" he asked tiredly, stroking Arthur's shoulder lightly with the fingertips of his right hand. Arthur rested his head back down on Eames' left bicep and continued to speak.

"We need to clean off your bed. This is utterly disgusting. I can't sleep like this." He made a small gesture to the sheet-less bed that was covered in various body fluids ranging anywhere from blood and sweat to semen.

"Mmm." Eames murmured, leaning over to nuzzle Arthur's neck. "The maid will get it later, love."

"No. I'm serious Eames. This is disgusting." Arthur insisted with a jab of his elbow to Eames' stomach.

"OOf…fine. Crazy bitch."

Xxxxx

"Yusef! Arthur isn't sitting at his desk! It's 10:00 and Arthur isn't sitting at his desk!"

"I know! I've actually been able to-"

"NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSAND! Something must be wrong! Arthur's never late! He's never been late! We have to go-" she was interrupted by Arthur swinging the door open and walking lazily to his desk. He didn't even notice their shocked smiles as he smiled lazily at the computer screen, just sitting at his desk.

"Something must be wrong." Yusef stage whispered. Arthur blushed and immediately began typing at his normal rate, if not faster than normal, his stern glare back in place even as the blush spread down to his fingertips. "Never mind." Yusef said, completely ignoring Ariadne again.

Xxxxx

Epilogue: Six months later and Yusef still didn't care, Ariadne was beginning to accept that Arthur might have a life outside of work…even if she couldn't figure out what it was (she never bothered to check his computer which housed all of the novels which she so adored and partially written manuscripts that she would have drooled over for ages). Arthur had, eventually told Eames that Ardal wasn't really his name, mainly because Eames called it out in the middle of sex one night and Arthur got jealous…but there were no hard feelings…on any of the three's part-because hey, Eames got a boyfriend with a wild sex drive, Arthur got a boyfriend, and Ardal got his inspiration.

Author's note: God. Sorry the epilogue sucks, but I set a limit of 4 thousand words total for this, and if I continued it where I originally intended it probably would have ended up way past that mark…so…review if you want to I guess.


End file.
